A Mourning Dove

Death of a relationship by any means permeates the body with sadness and pain… healing comes in various forms as the life journey continues. Sometimes it begins in the form of a simple creature…

"I've fallen in love with another woman." Those words uttered over the telephone shattered the security of her world as never before in her life.

He entered her life at a very vulnerable time for her and he seemed to fill in all the empty places. He was pleasant and funny and after crying herself to sleep so many nights, it felt wonderful to laugh again. After years of not being heard, she had finally found someone who was willing to listen to all that she had to say and, more importantly, how she felt. They would often talk for hours.

Their friendship grew and grew. Then one night their relationship took another turn and they became lovers. Her best friend had become her lover and she found his love making as warm and caring as his friendship.

While they were never engaged officially, they were engaged in their hearts. Both of them had decided to wait and enjoy the companionship of each other until the time was right to marry. A couple months back he had been asked to go to another state to help set up a regional office. While the thought of separation was a difficult decision to accept, they knew the distance would not deter their love for each other.

When she answered the phone that September afternoon, and heard his voice she was thrilled as always. Her heart pounded with the excitement that only love can produce. She savored the moments when they reached out to each other over the phone. The time away was more painful than she had anticipated and she longed to have him home again.

He opened the conversation by saying, "What are you doing?” His voice was very monotone unlike previous calls. She sensed something not quite right almost from the beginning. She told him she had been writing and that she missed him terribly. Then out of nowhere came the frenzy of words as he talked about a woman, her unhappy marriage and her husband who didn't understand her. At first she couldn't understand where this was leading until he said, "It just happened. I love her." He followed this by adding hesitantly, "But I still love you, too."

With those words of betrayal, her heart stopped beating. Her chest tightened up and choked off her breath. She could not speak. She could not scream. All she could do was drop the receiver as if it had acid on it. Her mind was racing. She needed to get out of the house so she grabbed her sweater and ran out the door and down the road. She felt the sun on her face, but that was all she could feel. She wanted to escape. She ran thinking that if she kept going faster and faster the reality of his words wouldn't catch up to her. If there were trees she didn't see them. If there were birds singing, she couldn't hear them. She just ran and ran. Her heart had started beating again and was now drumming away at her soul.

Finally she stopped at a small hill atop an open meadow and collapsed from sheer physical exhaustion. There she lay in the tall grass gasping, totally out of breath. Her mind searched for answers while a breeze rippled the grass like ocean waves around her The sun began to conceal its warmth behind graying clouds in anticipation of rain and her eyes burned from holding back the tears.

Her thoughts were chaotic. "What happened?" "Why?" "Who is she? Who is this man she allowed to penetrate not just her body but her innermost being?" Her lover and her dreams vanished that day and she searched desperately for answers. Alone and forsaken, even the breeze drifted silently past her. She wanted to throw up but her mouth was too dry. Where could she go to escape the pain that was beginning to rack her body and her spirit?

A single mourning dove descended near her, close enough to whisper its message. Doves, she knew, mated for life, yet it was alone, perched on a branch of a fractured tree, watching the graying skies through the waving grass. She looked over at the dove and wondered what had happened to its companion, its mate. The dove cooed a lamenting song that echoed the agony in their hearts, as though it understood her pain. They were both alone. In the vastness surrounding her, she felt so insignificant and yet a small creature of nature possessed a powerful message of compassion.

Just as silently as it arrived, she watched the dove fly solo towards the horizon. It was time for both of them to continue onward. She gathered up her sweater and forced herself up. She couldn't run anymore. Her body and heart ached. As the rain began to fall, her tears started to flow. Her sobbing echoed within the thunder. She began the slow and painful walk back home; each straining step bringing her closer to the reality she tried to escape.

Later in some strange way, that mourning dove became a sign of hope for her. She would hang onto the belief that some day she, too, like the dove, would fly. But, at that moment, walking back, what she needed to do was get out of the storm. The healing came later.

By Susan Handle Terbay